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I have a problem.
I can’t seem to let go of the desire to complete as many Playstation Trophies as possible and it is impacting my enjoyment of gaming. I wish I could just turn away, but every time I do, they call to me. “Zebra. Zebra. You haven’t really finished the game yet, Zebra. Don’t you want to be in the top 5% of people that played the game and managed to get that trophy. No, then I guess you weren’t the man I thought you were. Typical, leaving things unfinished.”
Aaaargh. The reality is that my constant pursuit of rare Trophies is taking away from my enjoyment in gaming. While Sony installed Trophies to provide a sense of accomplishment, it also provides competition, which in the right context, is healthy, but I’m not competing against other people. I’m only competing against myself and my own sense of ego.
That is a running issue in my life. I’ve recently started reading The Tao of Pooh thanks to my girlfriend who knows I have an interest in meditation and becoming more centered. I was skeptical at first, but it has really turned into quite a good read. Anyway, I’ll post about the book once I finish, but the principles absolutely apply to this situation.
Let me preface by saying I am not an expert in the Tao, and I’m sure I am going to be making some severe generalizations which are not entirely accurate of the philosophy. From what I have learned so far, Taoism is about going with and not against the natural flow and order of things. Fighting against the flow usually results in unhappiness. My natural flow with gaming is centered around completing the main story, and performing menial tasks in the game for the sake of trophies is definitely going against the flow.
If you have looked at my Top 10 Video Game List, you likely noticed I like adventure and story driven games. While I have enjoyed an occasional action game, sports game, or first-person shooter, these are not my typical interests. I love games that spark my imagination, where I can walk in the footsteps of someone else for a little while. Unlike movies, gaming gives you a chance to make decisions and see things through the character’s eyes, really immersing you in the character. The only other experience like this is acting, where you really become the character, if you are a good actor/actress. As soon as you leave the main storyline of the game, you are in a way breaking the suspension of disbelief (theater term) because it is not part of the natural flow of the story. If you decide to wait until after the story ends, you are now going back into a world without a story, which for me becomes drab and boring. So why do I continue to do this?
I think it is because I always want to perform at the highest level possible, to be the best I can be at my job. This unfortunately carries over into my personal life and the time I use entertaining myself. I feel like I need to complete all of the tasks I can complete, within reason, because I am capable of doing it, not because I enjoy it.
Maybe there is another reason as well. Maybe I have a fear of missing out. Many games hide new cutscenes or bonus equipment as incentive for completing side missions. Almost never do I use these items and the cutscenes are almost always not worth the effort, but what if. Games of the past used to include great hidden secrets for people who went the extra mile. What if one of these new missions is worth it and I miss something awesome because I didn’t go the extra mile. I mean, it should only take five minutes. Well guess what, it never takes five minutes. Never, ever. I usually lose hours of my life with almost nothing to show for it.
I need to let go. Let go of the need to feel like I master everything in my personal life. Let go of the anxiety of missing out. Let go of the time I spend agonizing over minutia that I almost always forget within a week. Let go of the competition with myself. I never ever talk about my many Playstation Trophies.
This post is why this blog exists. I need to find enjoyment again in the things I used to love. Maybe the enjoyment is gone, maybe I need to change my habits. Only time will tell….
As always, thanks for reading and let me know your thoughts. Feel free to follow me on Twitter so you can be notified when my next post drops.